I wonder about
the knees behind the backs
of the holes in the bodies
in the ash of the wreckage
after an ad for therapy
I am reminded that
I have never left my cats in a war
to escape with what’s left of my life again
I wonder about
the inside of the skull
of a woman in yoga pants
next to a gun on a bridge near my house
The cops asked me to describe each moment
as construction workers spray painted RIP 5/4/2023
while 100 cliff swallows under the bridge
became a spinning cloud of
little did they know
I wonder about
the blood on a cowboy boot
being hosed off an hour after
having said I love you to the owner of it
His body appeared
half crushed and preserved
in a suit and a tie and a coffin
returning to the spot where he died
I met an angel named Titus
who taught me, to learn is to hope
I wonder about
the silhouette of my mother’s body
in the carpet of my childhood home
Among the piles of online deliveries
there was 1 puppy, 2 cats, and a carpet cleaner
1 lived, 2 died, and I rocked in the shower
after 3 gallons of solvent would not remove
the shame of the quiet that settled in between us
after she chose death
I’ve wondered about
taking the exit
before I’d taste the earth again
between my teeth like dentist tools
reminding me that the human right to grief
Is not allowable if the body count
does not climb high enough
to lower the price
or make the news
or kill the witnesses
or reach the deaf ears of God
before the winners become the losers
Some will delay the unknowable with certainty
instead of misunderstanding the language that
Some have not been raped for their wings repeatedly
by the hawk that combusts from thin air for the pitiless chaos of renewal alone
Some will not admit the cancer is systemic
because it was not heard in words they hear
So I propose we pretend to vote
for the human being who speaks the following words:
We either get up for work in the morning or we don’t
Fuck this